I'm sitting here alone in the dark. Which I often do.

Truthfully, I'm not alone, if you count the company of my cancer ridden 11 year old mutt. Her snores have been ringing for hours as they usually do in the evening.

I like being alone. Truly.

I like the quiet. Anything else can be exhausting.

Trivial.

There is no peace for me.

I am haunted by my own existence. Plagued by my thoughts. I wish that I had a place to put them. To sort them. To calm my nerves.

I have rational thoughts. Or at least, maybe I just find a way to rationalize the thoughts. Maybe they aren't rational at all and I just think that they are.

My thoughts swim in the dense fog of my mind.

I find myself googling "paranoia".

I find myself thinking "I need to refresh my drink again".

I think, whats the point of sharing any of this? What should I edit out? What's too real?

Keep. Up. Appearances. That's what was beaten into you.

I can never talk about how terrible things are or can be. How they've been. How it's all led me here. I was never allowed to.

The weight of it all seems as if it will finally break me.

I've been so proud. Fighting it. Forgetting the horrors. The trauma. The ghosts.The isolation.

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Hellyer Velodrome

by PapaTong

Women’s March on Washington

Say YES more & always follow through

Denver, CO.

Cross Crusade - PNW Cyclocross